Books The Widower And I 12:54 PM The Widower And I It´s rare for someone to say something to you just a few words really and actually make you see yourself from a completely different vantage point. -How To Talk To A Widower This post contains affiliate links so we'd get a commission if you purchase through the links at no additional cost to you. The Widower And I This 22nd day of the The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge: "What fictional character in a movie, TV show, or book do you identify with and why?" got me stuck for 4 days! It was so hard to pick one character that I could identify with. Actually, I knew who to write about the first time I saw the 22nd challenge---Doug in How To Talk To A Widower. I just had some hesitations. Doug is a guy and he is a widower! I'm a single woman in my 20s. If you haven't read How To Talk To A Widower yet, please PLEASE do!Especially if you like unpretentious characters like Holden Caulfield in The Catcher In The Rye. Doug was devastated when his wife Hailey died. He tries to live and to stay normal but he couldn't escape the ruthlessness of being lonely at night. He hates it when people feel sorry for him. He knows he'll be okay soon, but that doesn't mean he'll stop feeling the pain. He doesn't hurry up, he lets time heal him, he lets Hailey's memories comfort him, he allows himself to feel his love for her even after she's gone. He trips, he fails, he struggles through the cruelty of life, but he doesn't stop living. He tries to be okay. He knows he'll be okay. He is so human. So real, so gritty...so me. You'll laugh at his boo boos, you'll grieve with him, you'll feel his love, you'll love his imperfections. Let me write here again why I love Doug: I know exactly what it means to act as normal as possible for the world to see. I know how hard it is to hold on to something you used to have but isn't there anymore. I know how awful it is to deal with something that happened so abruptly, so sudden, and how cruel it is that the world would not even give you enough time to let it sink in first before it goes on. I know how crazy it is to get pissed and then feel guilty about getting pissed and then get pissed about feeling guilty. I know how difficult it is to cry yourself to sleep, wake up without feeling the purpose of waking up anymore but getting up anyway and showing the world you're still okay. I just know how messed up Doug felt and I’m glad that he made me realize I’m not alone, even if he’s just a fictional character. Between the Widower and I, we all have a Doug in us.
Lux Thinking Aloud I'm A Once In A Lifetime Kind Of Woman 3:18 PM I'm a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman. "I am not just a one-in-a-million kind of girl. I am rare. I am precious." Claim that, ladies! Don't buy the lies that boys say to get to your pants. You are worth the effort. You are worth the wait. You are valuable. You are worth more than eight cows (read the story's reference here). Don't dumb yourself down so you'll be more approachable. Don't shortchange yourself. Being choosy about the people you let into your life is okay. Protect your inner circle. Don't surround yourself with those who are not contributing to your well-being. When you finally free yourself from people who don't value you, you make more space for those who do. Don't let labels or stereotypes define you. Don't succumb to what society dictates. Be the Proverbs woman. Be like Ruth, who didn't sit around waiting for a man to rescue her situation. Raise your standards, and don't apologize for it. Be a once in a lifetime kind of woman so those who let you go thinking they can do better will realize that you're the one who got away. Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise to meet them. -Ziad K. Abdelnour
Single Life 5 Things My Future Spouse Needs To Be 5:45 PM We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -Dr. Seuss The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 8: 5 Things That Are Most Important To You In A Future Spouse The 5 things my future spouse needs to be? My friend asked me this question too and I guess I now have a better answer than I had then. The list may go on and on and on if I start, but let me try to narrow it down to five here: 5 Things My Future Spouse Needs To Be Lead me in faith He must bring me closer to God. Someone who shares the same faith with me or better yet, someone who's got a more personal relationship with God than I do. Someone who will encourage me and lead me in faith. He doesn't have to be a saint or a martyr, he just have to know God and put his faith into action. Financially literate Women want security, and the best way to make a woman feel secure is to provide for her needs and see to it that her future is in good hands. He doesn't have to be super rich, he just have to be knowledgeable in managing his finances and a good, generous provider. I just don't want to wake up one day and panic because I can't even buy us eggs and milk or won't be able to pay for our children's education (should we decide to have kids). No woman wants to feed a good for nothing lazy ass. Money plays an important role in every relationship. Money may not be everything, but it sure does affect every area of our lives. Wise, not just intelligent I know people who are academically intelligent but are far behind when it comes to dealing with "real life". They are intelligent in many things, they excel in school, but lack wisdom in dealing with what everyday challenges. A real man should not just be a know-it-all in academics, but someone who can survive the life in the jungle, so to speak. Someone who sees beyond the facts, who doesn't just rattle trivia but also possesses wisdom. Loyal A loyal person stays with you no matter what, keeps his promise and stays committed long before the mood he's in when he promised you things is long gone. With a good sense of humor. It would be great to be around someone who doesn't take himself, or life too seriously. Someone who can consistently make you smile and make you feel better when you're down. Someone who can bring you sunshine when it rains. Well, if he's also a good cook and a masseur on top of that then I think I'd be the luckiest woman alive. Gifs from Google images Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Lux Thinking Aloud Where You Are Vs. Where You Thought You Would Be 12:23 PM No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. -1 Corinthians 2:9 I always thought I'd get married at 25. When I was in my 20's I realized 25 is way too young to settle down. I felt like I was not even halfway to where I wanted to be. So I said, I'd postpone it until I'm 29.Guess what?I'm past 29 and I'm still single. What. Happened? To borrow a line from 500 Days of Summer, "What always happens...life." The Tempest Where You Are Vs. Where You Thought You Would Be There are many things that happened that I didn't expect, both good and not so good.I used to be submissive, reserved, and I'd settle for what was there.Now I know how to speak my mind, I stand for what I believe in, and I definitely don't shortchange myself. I thought in my 30s, I'd be staying at home, raising kids, running my own business, definitely NOT single. But I'm here cuddling with my dogs, meeting my friends at short notice, traveling at any time I wish, with no one to consult about my schedules and plans...Hey, it's not bad at all.I can say with all honesty that I am completely, totally happy with where I am right now.I can't imagine myself being a full-time housewife at this moment. Not because I don't want to. Maybe someday. I still love doing what I'm currently doing. Every moment of this singlehood will always be cherished. Whenever I check my bucket list, there are more things I haven't done yet and so many places I am yet to explore. But there are also ticked items that give me self-fulfillment. I know there's more and I want to do more. I know greater things are ahead which are better than I could ever ask for. I have long resigned to the idea that I have good plans for myself, but God has better bigger plans.My Provider has far greater, more beautiful things in store for me. Where I am right now is still far from where I thought I would be, but dang, this is way better than I imagined. This is Day 7 of The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge by Mandy HaleThis post contains affiliate links so I'd get a commission if you purchase through my links at no additional cost to you. This helps me maintain my site. Thanks in advance!
Single Life Every Woman Has The Exact Love Life She Wants 11:18 AM Every woman has the exact love life she wants allows. The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 6: Sound off on the quote, “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” True or false? Are you in a relationship right now, and is it exactly how you envisioned it?Are you receiving the love you think you deserve? Or are you just waiting for an exit?If you’re a woman with the exact love life you want, congrats! Not everyone can say they’re as lucky.I know I wasn’t for a long time. Every Woman Has the Exact Love Life She Wants Sadly, some women don’t have the love life they want.They are abused physically, mentally, or emotionally by their partners, and no woman wants that kind of love life.Maybe some of these women have experiences in the past that made them believe they should tolerate the unjust treatment they get because that’s what they deserve.Someone must have instilled in their minds that it’s their fault it’s happening. Maybe that unhealthy relationship is their “homing instinct.” The same familiar environment they were raised in gives them, so it gives them comfort and security.Because the unfamiliar could be scary. Maybe they hope someday everything will get better.Maybe they’ve accepted their fate and stopped asking or looking for a change. Maybe that’s the way they love; unconditionally, blindly, totally. I’ve learned these from all the years of observing others and from personal experience. The quote, “Every woman has the exact love life she wants,” does not apply to everyone. At least not yet.Not until the woman lets go of that toxic person. Not unless she ends the abusive relationship. It’s a beautiful reminder, though. It’s a reality check. What you allow is what will continue.If you let yourself be the emotional punching bag or emergency fund of the person you chose, it will always be that way.Every woman has the exact love life she allows.So if you’re not in a relationship that makes you happy, and you don’t have a partner who appreciates, cherishes, and honors you, ask yourself...Is this really the love life I want?Hero imageThis post contains affiliate links so we'd get a commission if you purchase through the links at no additional cost to you.
Single Life 5 Ds Of Misconceptions People Have About The Single Life 12:17 PM You don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. -Mandy Hale The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 5: The biggest misconception you think people have about the single life When people find out that I'm still single, I get mixed reactions. Some would congratulate me and tell me to enjoy it while it lasts. That someday I'll find myself longing for the single bliss. Others would laugh and mock, and others still would feel sorry for me. Here's what most people think about the single life. 5 Ds Of Misconceptions People Have About The Single Life Doomed If you're single, you're doomed to be alone and unhappy forever. Ridiculous. Desperate You're delusional and is desperately waiting for the perfect man, for your knight in shining armor to rescue you. Rescuing is not needed if you're good with who you are. There's definitely no such thing as a perfect man and chivalry is sad to say nearing extinction. It's not about waiting for prince charming to come because life is not just about waiting for the person you exchange "i do's" with. That for me is desperation. Imagine dedicating your life waiting to get married. I bet you'll marry any pig who would profess his love to you if that's the case. Different (negative) If you're still single, something's wrong with you. Clearly, something's wrong with the one who assumes this. Distasteful Nobody wants you. Wrong. You just realize that it's a huge waste of time to entertain men who aren't interesting or whom you know are not really that serious. Why give them false hope if you don't want to have anything to do with them? Dull You live a very boring, lonely and empty life. Life's a choice. Even if you're married or sleeping around with 10 different partners, party every day or have 12 children, you will still feel lonely and empty if you choose to be. If you're single, you are treated like a freak because you're the odd one out. Like you're from a far away planet and your life and everything about you can never be understood by "normal" people like them. That's funny because whenever I speak with my friends who are either happily married, or single but obviously happy and satisfied, all they tell me is that I'm doing the right thing, I should never rush and that it's okay to stay single than "settle" for what's there or live up to other people's expectations. Those who wittingly say negative things about my status are those who are definitely and obviously not happy with their state---married or not. Those who are struggling with where they are and are desperate to get out of their situation. Ironic. It's true that some people hate you because they envy what they see in you, and perhaps in my case, it's being happy and contented with what I have and where I am. Maybe they were (or still are) desperate, lonely, unhappy and miserable when they were single. And maybe those who are still single who have the same misconception aren't as happy as I am now. Since majority gets married, the rest who doesn't are considered as outcasts. Like any other things, we all have our opinion about something. We may never understand why one chooses to do something but we're not asked to anyway. The least we can do is respect the other person's choice. I don't feel obliged to clear things out for those who don't understand but I hope someday, everyone will either respect each other or just let each other be. It's better that way. Gifs from Google images Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Single Life Major What Ifs Of The Single 12:25 PM Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Live in the question. -Rainer Maria Rilke The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person Sometimes I wish I'm as brave inside as the mask I put on for the world. Sadly, I'm not. I've got fears. Fear for my loved ones, fear of the unknown, fear of not being able to accomplish anything. Mostly, as a single person, I fear that I might get stuck. Don't get me wrong. I love my life (if I didn't I would have made a way to change it). It's just that I'm one of those little girls who dreamed of growing into the Proverbs wife and becoming a loving mother. Major What Ifs Of The Single What if it will take longer for my dreams to come to pass than my patience and faith can bear? What if the path prepared for me is not what I've always envisioned for myself? What if I couldn't hold on much longer? What if...? I know my time will come and I have learned to wait patiently and faithfully for God's timing, but there are just days when I...well, behave like a normal human being. I worry. I get discouraged. I get scared. Still, I carry on like a warrior in the battlefield; sweating profusely, trembling in fear, uncertain of each step I take. I've learned that if there's something I want to do, I will have to do it no matter how uncertain and scary it may be. Because courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing it afraid. Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Single Life Moments When Being Single Is Really Awesome 8:12 AM Maybe we could be each other's soul mates. Then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with. -Sex and the City The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 3: Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome. The single life could be tough. It could get lonely and frustrating. But, it could be the best time of your life too. Moments When Being Single Is Really Awesome FREEDOM In making decisions While most people I know have their schedules and decisions tied up and dependent on their partner's/spouse's/kids' schedules, I am totally free to decide for myself. I love it that I am able to drop whatever I'm doing and pack my things and go out of town, see a movie or meet a friend with just one text or call. I'm free to wake up or sleep whenever I want to, work overtime without having the trouble of calling someone to move or cancel a scheduled date or appointment, go out and come home at any hour without considering another person's feelings or time, and just be where I want, when I want to, doing what I want. I moved and changed places a lot this past year. All the time, I only have myself to think about. Is the place convenient for me? Will I be comfortable? What's in it for me? Will I be able to save more and spend less? It's discovering what I need and want and who I really am in the process that makes it awesome being single. With finances I passed by this department store and saw the big SALE signs hanging all over the place. Without guilt and second thoughts, I shopped around to my heart's content. I pay my own bills so there's no one to consult when I want to buy something, no one to answer to when I go beyond my budget for the week (seldom happens), no infant milk, no diapers, no tuition fees or allowances, no "extra" in my budget. I know I'd get to that, so while I'm still free from it, I'd revel on having my income all to myself. In little things I admit that it gets lonely sometimes. But, if you are comfortable with where you are and you know exactly why you're there, you sleep blissfully every night. LEARNING PHASE I'm in a phase of my life where I'm like a sponge, absorbing everything I could learn and soaking myself up with the good things (by choice!). I go to seminars and conferences with my single friends, talk to different kinds of people and learn from them, seeing the world in their perspectives and learning that we all have our own battles. I think if I'm not single, I will have less time to do what I'm doing now since I'll have different priorities; taking care of my husband, kids, the household, paying bills, and whatnot. I will have a different focus and I might rarely have time to talk to other people aside from school teachers, baby sitters and fellow mommies exchanging mommy notes (something I look forward to though). WOUNDED HEALER Being not just single, but also someone with lots to share in the relationship area, I am able to speak words of encouragement and give my opinion or share my experience to my single friends who are going through the same hell and dilemma I went through before. Being single made me a better person. If that's not awesome I don't what is. BEAUTIFUL DILEMMA There's a beautiful dilemma in decision making when you're still single; where to take my lunch, what movie to see, what color of shoes to buy, where to spend my next vacation, who to meet this coming weekend. Being single is REALLY awesome because it brings a certain kind of freedom that all my married friends envy and never fail to remind me to be thankful for. They always tell me to enjoy this stage and to never hurry no matter what other people say because in time, no matter how much I want to, I will never bring this back. They envy even just the trivial things that come with being single that I often take for granted like sleeping in or staying up late. This will not last for long, so while I'm in it let me bask in the awesomeness that comes with being single. Gifs from Google images Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Single Life When Being Single Really Sucks 8:09 AM There are times when being alone kicks hard and leaves you curled up in pain, gasping desperately for air. The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 2: Describe a Moment When Being Single Really Sucked Being single is fun, but like many things, it has its downside. Let's get real. Let me be blunt about it. There are moments when being single really sucks. There are times when being alone kicks hard and leaves you curled up in pain, gasping desperately for air. When Being Single Really Sucked Looooong days There are really, really long days when you need someone to talk to or just listen to you rant away patiently, hold your hand and assure you that everything's going to be okay. Your friends are great to be around with, but you will always have this longing for something more intimate. A relationship that goes deeper than friendship could go. +1 I don't mind going solo and being surrounded by couples. I can't help it if my friends would bring a +1 in some of our get-together. I totally understand. But if I REALLY need to bring someone with me, although my list of friends are long, it's a little frustrating when I can't just pick one. It would have been easier if you've got this one permanent person you know you can automatically bring with you. Post-breakup drama I've had long term relationships. So each break up, no matter how long the relationship went is always bloody, always messy, always sucks. The adjustment period from having someone to turn to all the time, someone you regularly text, call, have meals with and go places with to having to deal with loneliness or being alone for the first time in a long time can really get to you. Being easily attached, adjusting from "having" to "losing" was really devastating for me. Holiday blues Holidays are mostly when people come home or get together with their loved ones. When you're alone during the holidays, yes there's nothing wrong about that. But sometimes, as human nature, you long to feel that you belong. You long to feel home with someone. Ridiculous comments It sucks when people poke fun at you like you're a freak without caring to know you have good reasons why you are single. It sucks to hear people make snide remarks and make you look desperate. We humans have this inexplicable, insatiable, unending need of having someone or something that can make us feel complete. We need to feel wanted, to hold and be held, to have someone to keep us warm when it gets a little cold, someone to fall asleep with, someone to start our day and have breakfast with, someone waiting to welcome us home after a long day, to make plans and do something unplanned with, someone to share our victory and pain with. We all have a desire to love and be loved. Life is a roller coaster ride; being single included. It has many ups and downs. It's one crazy ride. When I get to the "down" part I just remind myself that I'm not alone in this journey (though it really feels that way). I'm grateful that I wasn't born envious or jealous of others. I know how to find and create my own happiness. Being single is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes being single really sucks. But, we can't have rainbows without a little rain, right? Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Faith A Poem About Waiting 1:07 AM And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still...Wait. This poem was written by Russell Kelfer intended for a woman wanting to have a baby. But if you've been waiting, asking and hoping for something or someone, this poem will also speak to you. A Poem About Waiting Wait Russell Kelfer Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait." "Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. "My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. "You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run. "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. "You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see. "You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. "The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last. "You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you. "So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait." Hey, did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please go ahead and share. Share buttons on the left and at the bottom of the article. Big thanks! Subscribe to About Life And Love by Email
Books Book Review: How To Talk To A Widower 10:57 AM Book Review: How To Talk To A Widower We read to know we're not alone -William Nicholson There are friends who can finish each other's sentences. Friends who know exactly what you’re thinking by merely looking at you. Friends who understand how you’re feeling without you explaining anything. That’s the kind of friendship I share with Doug in How to Talk to a Widower. This post contains affiliate links so we'd get a commission if you purchase through the links at no additional cost to you.Book Review: How To Talk To A Widower Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐I bought How to Talk to a Widower last 2011 on sale (from Php525 to a whopping Php50. Hah!) but I couldn’t find the time to read it. I was swamped juggling three jobs, making plans, and pursuing another dream. I went dating again after two years of not seeing anyone new so you can say sitting down to read a novel was not in my to-do list. But then...I quit all three jobs, the dating didn’t work out, and several things happened. So one ordinary day I found myself reading How to Talk to a Widower. I think the timing was impeccable. This is exactly the right time for me to read it. Like the universe already knew I will need this good read someday, two years after I bought it. Soulmate in a book I felt like a found a soul mate in Doug, the widower in the story. I admire his frailty. He grieved because he has to. He didn’t like the shallowness from the people around him. He loved Hailey with all his heart. Why I love How to Talk to a WidowerI know exactly what it means to act as normal as possible for the world to see. I know how hard it is to hold on to something you used to have but isn’t there anymore. I know how awful it is to deal with something that happened so abruptly, so sudden, and how cruel it is that the world would not even give you enough time to let it sink in first before it goes on. I know how crazy it is to get pissed and then feel guilty about getting pissed and then get pissed about feeling guilty. I know how difficult it is to cry yourself to sleep, wake up without feeling the purpose of waking up anymore but getting up anyway and showing the world you're still okay. I just know how messed up Doug felt and I’m glad that he made me realize I’m not alone, even if he’s just a fictional character. If you like how “informal” and raw Catcher in the Rye is, I think you’ll like How to Talk to a Widower too. It’s hilarious but poignant. It’s unpretentious, realistic and easy to relate with. It’s very human. The characters are ordinary and flawed. Their relationships are dysfunctional and well, normal. It doesn’t have a happily ever after ending and that’s the other beautiful thing about it. The story goes on. Doug moves on but he takes his sweet time. Hailey, his deceased wife, will always be a part of him. The way he refuses to forget about her even after over a year made me wish I have a Doug too. Even when women throw themselves at him, he remains loyal to her memory. Yes he dated again and even so humanly and irrationally jumped into something he shouldn’t have but at the end of the day, it’s still Hailey. Laughing and grieving with Doug was a refreshing experience. I feel alive…and normal again.
