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My Brief Dating History And Feature On DatingNews.com

1:07 AM

DatingNews.com

Post-wedding effect makes you recall your past life before meeting your husband, at least for me. That includes dating. Because honestly, when I'll be using my husband's name, I'll be putting a dash between our family names. And what that very short unremarkable and ordinary dash between my last name and his represents is the long and winding full of twists and turns life journey I've had from singledom to wifehood. So I'm sharing my brief dating history...and feature on DatingNews.com.



My Brief Dating History and Feature on DatingNews.com


First things first

I've been sidetracked from blogging after getting engaged. After the wedding, I promised to give more time to blogging again. So I was giddy when I found out that my blog will be featured on a dating website. Oh, I've not been forgotten by the blogging world after all! šŸ˜Š

I was recently featured on DatingNews.com, a comprehensive site that's "at the heart of the dating industry" and that puts a spotlight on dating and relationship coaches, matchmakers, lifestyle bloggers, sites, apps, and everything in between. Here's a little bit of what they had to say, and you can read the rest of the article here.



"Lux started the About Life and Love blog to reach out to singles and couples everywhere and let them know they’re not alone. Her articles touch on matters of the heart with a refreshing honesty and sense of humor. Whether she’s recommending a date-worthy shade of lipstick or giving wedding planning tips, Lux delivers down-to-earth guidance based on her own experiences navigating the dating scene."

Here's a brief look back on my dating history and some helpful tips šŸ”” from that experience I'd like to share.


Dating in high school

I was raised in a conservative culture and old fashioned way. You could say it's a little backwards.

I wasn't allowed to date when I was in high school. That seems alright and "normal" for our culture. But what I didn't understand before was that my mom would scold me for getting letters from suitors (yes, I was born before texting). Like it's my fault that boys like me. Duh.

I'd like to believe that I'm a good daughter so the effect on me was that "Gosh, she's right. There must be something horribly wrong with me. Why am I getting all this attention?" 

My mother made me feel terrible...and dirty for something totally normal for a teenager to experience.

Okay, maybe that's not about being a good daughter. That's stupidity or lunacy. šŸ˜‚

So I never went out with boys alone when I was a teenager. It's always a group date and it's always done in secret. šŸ˜

I tried to be open with the family about who's giving me flowers and chocolates and who the letters are from or who asked me out. 

My mom would always say bad things about them and again make me feel guilty for it. Which is crazy I know but that's how it was.

Dating in high school

College life

When I realized that my course was difficult, I told myself I won't date in college. I couldn't even find the time to brush my hair or put some powder on my face. After class, especially after lab (laboratory), we just go find food not even checking ourselves in the mirror.

Real world

I dated again when I started working.

I could count all guys I went out with in one hand. Some were brief, others were years long.

Was I serious in any of them? Yes in my own juvenile way.
Did I see myself marrying any of them one day? Honestly, no. I hoped because what's the point if not.

But even with the one I had the longest and most serious relationship with I couldn't, for the life of me, picture myself being his wife.

He's not even part of my future plans and he knows it. 

šŸ”” Here's my opinion and unsolicited advice to all singles:

if you can't see yourself marrying the person, put an end to it as early as possible to spare yourselves from bigger heartache, and so you can set each other free.

Life's short

I'm not saying you stop dating or entertaining suitors. It is a fun and integral part of growing and learning in life. Just because you're not sure if you're going to marry the person doesn't mean you seclude yourself from the world.

Give it a chance, sure. Try to make it work, yes. But, if after discerning and reflecting and you think that he is not good for your well-being, it's time to walk away. Especially if abuse in any form (physical, emotional, psychological) is involved.

šŸ”” Love yourself first.

I realized that the ultimate purpose of dating is indeed marrying the person, not just having fun or passing time.

Author Jefferson Bethke said, "Dating with no intent to marry is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unhappy or take something that isn't yours."


sunset date

Neither of the result sounds appealing, right?

Don't dishonor or shortchange yourself for your partner. Don't dumb yourself down for a man. Don't let another walk all over you especially if you're considering them to be your future partner.

šŸ”” Here's a tip I've learned from The Feast to know if the person is good for you:

change 'love' with the person's name in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

If it doesn't sound right maybe it's time to rethink your decisions.

As one of my guy friends told me before (which I always held on to whenever other people would pressure me into dating):

šŸ”” It's okay to be picky, because you're talking about forever here, a lifetime with this person. 

It's okay to take your time in choosing.

Take it from Cher:

clueless
via Giphy


What does your dating history look like?


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2 comments

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  1. I really agree with you on this.. and looking back on when I was younger, I wish I'd left half the relationships that I got involved with a lot sooner than I actually did! Though I think all of those mistakes make you realize what you really want in another person, and as you get older you learn to recognize the "right one" fairly quickly when he comes along..

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