Love and Relationship

Advice on Modern Dating from Someone Who Found Love Online

3:11 PM

Advice on Modern Dating from Someone Who Found Love Online

Modern dating. It's so different from what dating used to be. Is it possible to find love in modern dating? How to make modern dating work for you?

First the question:  is it possible to find love in modern dating?

Yes, it is.

How do I know that? I met my fiance via online dating.

If you know me, you know that it is so out of character for me to put myself out there so to speak. I'm an introvert. Though I have a blog where I often pour out my thoughts and emotions, some things I'd like to keep private.

So the thought of creating an online profile in a dating site made me cringe at first. Not that I have anything against it, but because inside I know, "This is so not me!"

I was living my single life contentedly. But deep in my heart I know that my calling is to share my life with another. Working from home for 12 hours a day, the chances of meeting someone from my work station to our kitchen is zero. Negative even.

I talked to a friend about this dilemma and she told me to try online dating. She's met a few nice ones. Her advice was simple: block someone you don't like.

How to make modern dating work for you?

Advice on Modern Dating from

Someone Who Found Love Online

Keep some things private

After I weighed the advantages of modern dating several times, I finally decided to do it. I posted a photo and a bio that's as descriptive as I can make without giving away unnecessary information.

How? Just put the details you can afford the world to know. Share what you're ready to share to anyone you meet. There are questions you can skip if you're not comfortable with answering them.

Don't give your address or contact number. Don't give personal information that can be used to harm you.

Keep some things private

Be modest

Some girls post almost naked photos online and complain about men sending them abusive or harassing messages.

Yes, even when you post modest pictures, you'll still get harassed. I was. So it is not really about the way you dress. You can't help it if some men are naturally a*holes. I agree on that.

Be classy. Be modest. Not for other people but for yourself.
Dress appropriately. Of course when you're at the beach, you're not supposed to be all wrapped up.

Some photos aren't meant to be posted online. How to know if you should post that flattering photo or not? Think about it this way: if your children or grandchildren will see it, will it make them want to un-see it or will they be okay with it? Or use your better judgment.

Follow your instinct

If someone makes you feel inappropriate, don't try to justify it. Some online predators are good in manipulating their victims by making them feel like it's their fault. Don't accept this BS.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable, follow what my friend told me: block! Or follow what I did. I reported first (so admin of online dating sites can investigate if this person is a spam or troll and make appropriate action), then blocked them too.

Follow your gut feeling at all times. Enjoy the process but be smart and vigilant.

If marriage is the ultimate goal of your dating, you have a lifetime ahead of you. There is no reason to rush the person or the situation.

Take your time in knowing the person.

Follow your instinct

Use it to your advantage

One of the pros of online dating is that the other person can't touch you or do anything harmful to you from his end. That is, if you won't give him the power to. Use modern dating to your advantage. Stay on the safe side. If he's really serious about pursuing you, he will find a way.

That's when you can also distinguish who's serious or who's just there to prowl for their next catch.

Don't invest in emotions quickly

If you think it won't work, move on. I've met a few who had the "potential" of being a good partner; a good conversationalist, respectful even when we have different opinions, funny, talented, smart, and attractive.

It could be exciting exchanging messages but be careful to not fall in love too soon. One of the reasons you may be trying online dating like is because you haven't found luck on traditional face-to-face dating.

Like in real-life dating, just enjoy the getting to know stage first. I've heard someone said before "Explore your partner's mind and not their bodies."

Modern dating is where that could be observed. See if your partner could handle different types of topics and how they express their views.

In the end when you're old and weak, sex will be out of the question. But you'll always have conversations.

Involve people in your life

It is important to ask for other people's advice. Third party can see more clearly and therefore can tell you honestly what they think is happening. They are your reality check.

When you've arrived to the point of meeting in person, let family and friends know. If possible, bring someone with you.

Involve people in your life

Meet in a public place in broad daylight

There are many reports of people meeting for the first time after chatting online that didn't end well. So to be sure, bring a friend or friends in your meet-up. They don't have to join you in your table. Just keep them around to keep an eye on you.

What I did as I went alone (I was confident as we're meeting in my "territory"), was I shared every detail to my cousins in our group chat. They're actively asking me where I was and I would tell them and would even send photos of where we ate, as well as screenshots of Grab driver details.

If something wrong would happen, they have the information needed to track me. (Thank God they didn't need it).

Meet in a public place during the day too. It's safer for you both.

Pray about it

I prayed about online dating before meeting someone. Is this the right path for me? Well, I will lose nothing if I try. Is this the right one for me?

When someone asks me how I know it was him because it seems too fast, I always say it's because I felt calm inside.

There was no pressure. I was not rushing. I was not scared to be alone but the thought of being with him isn't scary at all too. It was promising.

There were questions and doubts but he has proven himself to me that convinced me to take a leap of faith.

Most of all, he's a man of God. Not just in words but in action. I don't think you can go wrong with someone who puts Jesus first before anything else.


Modern dating is not that easy. I met jerks, received indecent proposals, had misunderstandings with some and just suddenly lost contact with interesting "prospects".

I've lost interest at some point and decided to quit it. Why do I keep my profile when I don't even check it anymore, I asked? Why do I even bother when I don't even open some messages and just delete them, blocking senders or ignore invites altogether?

But I decided to give it one more try before turning my back to it forever. I decided to reply to the last messages and see where it will take me.

I'm so glad I did.

Because after I replied to this one man, we never stopped chatting since. And modern dating, this thing I considered to be superficial and rushed before I tried it, actually changed my life. It's where I found love.

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  1. That's great to hear. I've never tried this and I'm pretty hesitant actually but a lot of people I know have used this and had tremendous success in love (some even marriages)


  2. I've only met crazy people and duds online, but you never know. As shown, it can work. Met in public place is a big one though, don't want stalkers and nutballs too close lol

  3. Great and very interesting post!
    Have a nice sunday!


  4. I met my wife before online dating took hold. Dating has always been a crapshoot. I think the Internet has brought some very healthy elements to the game, when used properly. The creation of an account encourages self-awareness as well as thoughtful consideration of what you want in a mate. Expanding your social circle has always been challenging. Are there risks in doing so online? Of course, but really no more so than doing it via strangers at a pickup bar.

  5. glad to hear this! thank you for sharing the advice
    style frontier

  6. It sounds great! Another interesting post Lux!
    Kisses, Paola.


  7. Great advice. There are some good ones out here and you found one, but there are also lots of frogs. I've never done online dating, but I'd be as careful as you were.

    Have a fabulous day. ♥

  8. I am glad you have found someone! There are good ones but there are lots out there just waiting to take advantage! Wish you the best!

  9. it is more complicated than ever, certainly, having to navigate all the modern nuances of romance! :)

  10. I've never tried online dating but glad it worked for you! I know someone who got married after meeting online :-)
    I think it is really important to involve others. Often they can see what you miss.

  11. Sound advice. I tried eHarmony a few years ago...didn't work out. lol I'm not sure if I'll try online dating again, or at all, but who knows?

  12. Whether is online dating or real deal dating, I think both comes with its pros and cons. Right now I am happily married. But you never know.

  13. Trust me, it works! I met my husband online and we've been together now for 12 years :)


  14. Not investing in feelings too quickly is great advice! I'm so happy for you that you met your fiance online, that's so lovely! :) x

  15. Great points!


  16. Wow, such a uniquely modern story and great advice. Congratulations!

  17. I’ve always had doubts with online dating. Thank you for sharing your experiences! :)

  18. Dear Lux, You are the greatest at writing a post like this. I am so lucky to have found a wonderful woman to spend a life with in the days before there was any online anything. If I had it all to do over again today, I sure hope I would have found your blog! Take good care, my friend. Thank you for sharing, as always! John

  19. Great sharing and all the best for you