It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.
-Anais Nin
A guest blog by Debra Foster
The beginning few weeks and months of relationships are amazing. When you’re both newly in love, you do wonderful things for each other. With time, some things change.
The romance dwindles in most cases, the dates and surprises lessen. Even the heat in the bedroom starts to diminish. This is completely natural. All couples go through these phases.
A solid relationship is tested through ups and downs. The respect, trust, commitment and love you have gets tested. Romance is no longer just about candlelit dinners and boxes of chocolates. It changes to respect and understanding for each other.
Both partners want and need validation which comes in form of trust and reciprocity. There are some effective ways to stay happy in relationships. Every strong relationship is based on these basic rules.
8 Ways to Keep the Love Alive
When You're Past the Romantic Stage
Open & Honest Communication
Humans are complex beings. Very few of us know the art of effective communication. Your partner is someone you chose. This means your communication with them should be free of any barriers.Sometimes people expect their partners to know what they’re thinking. Your partner is not psychic and even if you share some telepathic bond (which is very rare), don’t expect them to read your mind all the time. If you want something ask for it, if you’re concerned about something express it. If you don’t like anything, discuss it.
Be a good listener too. If your partner is sharing something, listen carefully. Don’t listen to respond, listen and comprehend without judgment.
Value Secrets
If your partner shares something with you---a childhood memory, a fear or an aspiration or something they’d only discuss with you, you should feel honored for the trust. It’s their way of showing trust that they decided to open a part of themselves with you. Treasure and value this side of them. This might be a small gesture but this strengthens your trust and bond. This shows your partner you are trustworthy. It is these little things which matter most and strengthens relationships.Value Commitments
Let them know they can count on you. When we say “commitments”, we don’t mean big promises or lifetime commitments! We’re simply referring to keeping your word about little everyday things. If you say you’ll take care of something, make sure you deliver. Again, the little things strengthen your bond. This shows them you’re reliable. So, learn to keep your word.Say Sorry & Mean It
Once in a while, we all goof up. You might end up hurting your partner with your words or actions. Although this is unintentional, do not delay an apology if it happens. Saying “sorry” isn’t enough. You must feel sorry and not be defensive. Understand that our actions and behaviors affect others. An honest heartfelt apology makes your partner realize that you value them and your relationship.Forgive
In the same way, forgive your partner. If your partner has hurt you in any way and they’re sorry, forgive them wholeheartedly. Don’t hold grudges. If something goes wrong the next time, do not hold it against them. We’re all humans and even the most compatible and compassionate people will have differences at some point. Love should be unconditional and loving someone unconditionally means not keeping a record of wrongs.Balancing Between Time Spent Together & Apart
It’s crucial to spend time together, but it’s equally important to spend some time apart. When you’re past the romantic stage, you don’t want the relationship to feel suffocating. Being together all the time can do that. If partners keep their hobbies and have separate circle of friends, it freshens and brings spark to the relationship. If you’re together all the time, you get bored of each other. That doesn’t mean you don’t take any couple time out. Balance is key.Appreciate Each Other
It’s human nature to look for approval from those we love in the form of appreciation or reassurances. Appreciate your partner for something they’re good at. It will boost their self-esteem. If there’s something your partner has done for you, thank them and tell them how much you value their gesture. Praise them also for their or unique qualities.Remember To Rekindle The Romance
These things go a long way, but it’s also important to be plain old romantic, even when you don’t feel like it. Do the things you used to do, go to your favorite restaurant, go on dates, surprise them with a good massage or a gift.You may not always have time for these, but that doesn’t mean you take each other for granted. Be 16 year-old kids again. It’ll do the trick.
Some of these may be minute things that we overlook them. Once a relationship matures, these minute things work like a catalyst. Don’t ignore them.
About the author:
Debra Foster is a Senior Writer for OLWOMEN.com, an avid reader, fashion and makeup enthusiast who simply lives to write and talk about all kinds of stuff. Focusing on open-relationship rules these days and especially about the signs he’s cheating you!
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54 comments
Such a great post!! xxoo
ReplyDeleteFab post - its true we do need to value each other in relationships xx #candidcuddles
ReplyDeleteThis list really resonated with me, I think saying sorry and being able to forgive are probably the most important but they're all great suggestions
ReplyDeletesuch a charming post and blog , really love it
ReplyDeleteAgreed, but the fast track of life and life in the fast line, sometimes we tend to forget.
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to just one another for granted, a happy relationship takes work, great post! #sharethejoy
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post Debra!! :)
ReplyDeleteReally good post, and such an interesting point of view in terms of keeping the flames lit in a long term relationship :)
ReplyDeleteThese is some great advice! I truly believe that we should follow these tips from the very beginning, every day. It's a work in progress. Thanks for sharing. :-)
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice here. It does take work, but it's well worth the work.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
I was just having this conversation with a coworker, and your post is to timely and full of practical wisdom! In all of it, I see the need to be intentional and diligent. I would so love you to share this on my Fresh Market Friday Link-up. Your words are such an encouragement, and you could be a featured Fresh Find!
ReplyDeleteGood advice!
ReplyDeleteLux, I love this piece from Debra. It really is the little stuff that can make and break a relationship. We all need a reminder sometimes. Thank you for sharing with #ShareTheJoyLinky!
ReplyDeleteGreat Post!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Wonderful ways, mutual appreciation is essential !!
ReplyDeleteEvery stage is romantic!
ReplyDeletethose are the big ones and not always easy to do but I'd agree they work #sharethejoy
ReplyDeleteGood advice indeed :D!
ReplyDeleteThis is so true!
ReplyDeleteAly In Wanderland | ^_^ | alyinwanderland.com xx Alyssa
Great tips, of course always is necessary rekindle romantic spirit
ReplyDeleteMelange-Boutique Blog || Instgram
All good tips to keep love on the up and up indeed
ReplyDeleteVery good advice!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the amazing info.
ReplyDeleteHi Debra & Lux!
ReplyDeleteThese are excellent guidelines for keeping love alive in a relationship after the romantic stage has passed. The best part of my relationship with Mrs. Shady is our friendship and our deep rapport. We actually felt it the first time we met and it lingers to this day. We love to "pal around" with each other, keep each other company on shipping trips and while running errands. We also allow time apart to explore our own hobbies and interests. We communicate honestly, argue/fight fairly, make up quickly and forgive. We keep a sense of humor and laugh a lot.
Thank you both for this great advice!
love and relationship is so fragile in these android age
ReplyDeleteAgree with each point! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is such a true guest post. I don't think there is anything that matters more than these vital things when it comes to being able to keep love alive. Making sure you remember the importance of love and valuing each other is what is most important.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching post. The 8 tips are right on. Appreciating & saying you are sorry are two really important ones. Love the quote! Love definitely requires upkeep :) Thanks so much for sharing with #candidcuddles xx
ReplyDeleteOpen and honest communication seems to be a great way of keeping any relationship - friend, family or otherwise - in tact, it's key to healthy relationships. Great points!
ReplyDeleteaglassofice.com x
such a great post, thanks for those tips! ♥
ReplyDeleteKisses,
Claudia.
www.thewhiteprint.blogspot.com
I actually cannot relate in any of these but I'm hoping that soon, love finds me too. :)
ReplyDeletexoxo,
SHAIRA // New Post
As one who's been married 35 years this month (a miracle, I know) these are great suggestions! (Visiting from #RaRaLinkup)
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice. Beyond excellent advice. Chances are if there's trouble in the relationship, it's because of one of these things.
ReplyDeleteTake it from an old guy ... you're right on! Excellent post!
ReplyDeletejust discover this site from somewhere. great sharing story & experiences. i will recommend this site to my friends out there.
ReplyDeleteNice post :)
ReplyDeleteAll good ideas! A good relationship is worth a little extra effort.
ReplyDeleteLots of good advice here! I especially like this piece: "Say Sorry & Mean It." If we all did that, our relationships would be better.
ReplyDeleteI am so loving these tips, especially the forgiving tip. I don't think people know how important it is to forgive. Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteKia / KTS
http://www.houseofkts.com
So true. Many tend to take the other partner for granted.
ReplyDeleteI love romantic stage, grest tips
ReplyDeletewww.alessandrastyle.com
nice tips/ ill keep these in mind :D
ReplyDeleteMyxilog
I loved this. All these suggestions are realistic and
ReplyDeleteVery nice suggestions, thanks ~ It is a never ending work, smiles ~
ReplyDeleteLove your post!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice week-end!
Gil Zetbase
http://gilzetbase.com/
Great tips! Some people don't realize that a relationship takes a lot of work, a lot of understanding, and a lot of vulnerability. Your "love" should know no boundaries! I completely agree with all your points. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post with 8 great tips! These are so easily forgotten as you get comfortable with someone. Thanks so much for the reminder and for linking with Waiting On...Wednesday!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! The best analogy I ever heard was that a healthy marriage is like a healthy body. You have to work at it every day to keep it healthy.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! We do have to take time to nurture it daily!
ReplyDeleteMarie
spreading-joy.org
What a great post. Caring for our marriages is important. And I have a little secret. That empty nest we all dread? The romance comes back!
ReplyDeleteGreat post and wonderful words of wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree about time together & apart. So important to cultivate other friends & hobbies!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! Balance is definitely important (time together and apart). It is also important to do your best not to take each other for granted and to make sure the other person knows you value them. :)
ReplyDelete~Jess