8 Ways To Keep The Love Alive When You're Past The Romantic Stage7:25 AM
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.
A guest blog by Debra Foster
The beginning few weeks and months of relationships are amazing. When you’re both newly in love, you do wonderful things for each other. With time, some things change.
The romance dwindles in most cases, the dates and surprises lessen. Even the heat in the bedroom starts to diminish. This is completely natural. All couples go through these phases.
A solid relationship is tested through ups and downs. The respect, trust, commitment and love you have gets tested. Romance is no longer just about candlelit dinners and boxes of chocolates. It changes to respect and understanding for each other.
Both partners want and need validation which comes in form of trust and reciprocity. There are some effective ways to stay happy in relationships. Every strong relationship is based on these basic rules.
8 Ways to Keep the Love Alive When You're Past the Romantic Stage
Open & Honest Communication
Humans are complex beings. Very few of us know the art of effective communication. Your partner is someone you chose. This means your communication with them should be free of any barriers.
Sometimes people expect their partners to know what they’re thinking. Your partner is not psychic and even if you share some telepathic bond (which is very rare), don’t expect them to read your mind all the time. If you want something ask for it, if you’re concerned about something express it. If you don’t like anything, discuss it.
Be a good listener too. If your partner is sharing something, listen carefully. Don’t listen to respond, listen and comprehend without judgment.
If your partner shares something with you---a childhood memory, a fear or an aspiration or something they’d only discuss with you, you should feel honored for the trust. It’s their way of showing trust that they decided to open a part of themselves with you. Treasure and value this side of them. This might be a small gesture but this strengthens your trust and bond. This shows your partner you are trustworthy. It is these little things which matter most and strengthens relationships.
Let them know they can count on you. When we say “commitments”, we don’t mean big promises or lifetime commitments! We’re simply referring to keeping your word about little everyday things. If you say you’ll take care of something, make sure you deliver. Again, the little things strengthen your bond. This shows them you’re reliable. So, learn to keep your word.
Say Sorry & Mean It
Once in a while, we all goof up. You might end up hurting your partner with your words or actions. Although this is unintentional, do not delay an apology if it happens. Saying “sorry” isn’t enough. You must feel sorry and not be defensive. Understand that our actions and behaviors affect others. An honest heartfelt apology makes your partner realize that you value them and your relationship.
In the same way, forgive your partner. If your partner has hurt you in any way and they’re sorry, forgive them wholeheartedly. Don’t hold grudges. If something goes wrong the next time, do not hold it against them. We’re all humans and even the most compatible and compassionate people will have differences at some point. Love should be unconditional and loving someone unconditionally means not keeping a record of wrongs.
Balancing Between Time Spent Together & Apart
It’s crucial to spend time together, but it’s equally important to spend some time apart. When you’re past the romantic stage, you don’t want the relationship to feel suffocating. Being together all the time can do that. If partners keep their hobbies and have separate circle of friends, it freshens and brings spark to the relationship. If you’re together all the time, you get bored of each other. That doesn’t mean you don’t take any couple time out. Balance is key.
Appreciate Each Other
It’s human nature to look for approval from those we love in the form of appreciation or reassurances. Appreciate your partner for something they’re good at. It will boost their self-esteem. If there’s something your partner has done for you, thank them and tell them how much you value their gesture. Praise them also for their or unique qualities.
Remember To Rekindle The Romance
These things go a long way, but it’s also important to be plain old romantic, even when you don’t feel like it. Do the things you used to do, go to your favorite restaurant, go on dates, surprise them with a good massage or a gift.
You may not always have time for these, but that doesn’t mean you take each other for granted. Be 16 year-old kids again. It’ll do the trick.
Some of these may be minute things that we overlook them. Once a relationship matures, these minute things work like a catalyst. Don’t ignore them.
About the author:
Debra Foster is a Senior Writer for OLWOMEN.com, an avid reader, fashion and makeup enthusiast who simply lives to write and talk about all kinds of stuff. Focusing on open-relationship rules these days and especially about the signs he’s cheating you!