Rants

Ramblings Of An "Old" Woman

5:22 AM

 Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.
-Gloria Steinem

What’s the fuss about getting old? 

I've never made it a big deal. I actually still feel like I’m just starting. Call it Peter Pan Syndrome, call it immaturity, call it denial, if you please. Honestly, age never bothered me. What bothers me are the people who are making a fuss about it.

I started working when I was 20. At that time, my youngest colleague was 27. The rest are in their early and mid thirties and even fifties. I never called them “old” because I don't consider them as such.

I never made snide comments about their age and their status though majority were still single at that time. First, because I think it’s rude and inappropriate. Second, because I don't think being old is a bad thing. Why would it be? And third, because I think it’s none of my business what they do with their lives.

When people tell me I'm old I don't argue, because I know I am definitely not that young anymore. But, when people say it like it’s a bad thing, like it’s a curse, like I’m suffering from this pathetic life and doomed to be alone and lonely forever, it bugs me.

It shocked me at first. It also bothers me that there are people who have such an idiotic mindset.

You'd think people will be more progressive in this modern world, but no. There are still those who choose to live backwards.

I didn't realize we are living in a world full of morons until I hit 27. It was then when people started asking me the stupidest questions from, “You’re really that old?” (which is flattering at some point because it is followed by “You look so young!”) to “Are you gonna be an old maid?” and “Don’t you want to have babies?”

Valid questions, yes. But to a 27-year old who just got out of a toxic relationship, and is finally starting to enjoy being single? Unfair. Some of these people? They’re 27 now or thereabouts, and they claim that they're still young. Uhm, okay. I think I'm missing something here.

Fast forward to today, comments are getting worse, nastier and somewhat more hilarious. I know that some of those people are only concerned with my well-being. They are good friends with good intentions. They just want me to be happy. They just want to see me “normal”, and I'm thankful for that.  Not everyone's blessed to have people looking out for them.

On the other hand, there are still those who see me as a freak. "Single and over 30? Oh, dear. You're doomed."

Am I really? Funny, because most of those who are pushing me to be in a relationship are those who are not happy with where they are, some obviously miserable and would want to get out of their relationships given the chance.

Others are not even half as experienced as I am. What do they know about what I need and what’s best for me?

Modesty aside, it’s not like I don't have a choice. There are those who express their interest. I still have strangers approach me for my number and send random messages online saying they want to get to know me (Now, that’s not flattering. It’s creepy and annoying). If I wanted to, I could easily text someone to come to my place and bring some foods (Filipino inside joke). If I wanted to. But, I don’t. 

When I say I don’t like this guy, it’s not me playing hard to get. It’s just that I respect their time, and I don't want to waste it as much as I don't want them to waste mine. If I think it’s not going anywhere, why give my attention?

 Now, you may be asking, how do I know if it’s going nowhere if I don’t give it a try? My answer is, if he really, truly, seriously, undoubtedly, sincerely wants to get to know you, he will find a way. He won't easily give up. Nothing worth having comes easy. And I'd like to believe that I am worth having. So, suck it up.

I have friends who are willing (and overly enthusiastic) to hook me up with random people. If it’s not clear yet, I am an introvert and introverts hate meeting people. Also, I have nothing personal against blind dating, but it’s not my thing. 

It’s not because I have sky-high standards. After dating frogs, my image of the prince just got clearer. I now know what I want. I have non-negotiables. I think when you've had your fair share of unsuccessful relationships, and have been single for quite a while, you realize that, to be alone is not scary.  To be with the wrong person is.

Biologically, I know they have a point that my body clock is ticking. I may or may not get pregnant and if I would, it will be risky.

So, what about Sarah (wife of Abraham)? What about Elizabeth? Or Ruth?Weren't they way past pregnancy age, and were still blessed? Are you saying they're more favored than you and me? That God has stopped making miracles with the people in the Bible?

Even in the present, there are women I know, or whose stories I've heard of that are over 30, but are still able to give birth. I know I sound over-confident here, but I believe that if God is calling me to be a mother, He will make me. There’s a reason why He is infinite. There’s no limit to what He can do. If He’s got other plans, it surely is for the best.

I've also got friends who are happily married, in a relationship, and also happily single who tell me to take my time, never rush it, never force it, and be grateful for this special time I have for myself. 

Guess who I listen to?

If your relationship status defines your worth and is tied up to your identity, then you are doomed.

If your relationship is making you a better person, by all means, stay in that relationship. If it makes you a miserable human being, leave. Difficult, but not impossible. Same goes with being single. If being alone makes you lonely, it’s best to go out there and meet new people. But, if you’re comfortable and at peace with yourself, there’s no rush in changing that.

You can’t stop people from thinking the way they do. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion---no matter how moronic they may be sometimes. At the end of the day, it’s your opinion that matters, because it is your life. When all the noise of the world fades away, it’s about what your heart whispers. It’s not about what the society dictates, it’s where you feet leads you.

When you’re alone in a cold rainy night, are you wishing to be somewhere else, or are you happy exactly where you are? 

In solitude, it’s not those comments, or insults, or genius suggestions from people who don’t even know what you went through that you will hear. It is your inner voice that will resonate in the silence. 

What does it say?





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7 comments

  1. Great post Lux - I think its comical how people get themselves so involved in others lives (particularly their love lives). If you are happy with the way you are living your life, that's all that matters. If at some point that changes, well then you'll just make changes then. I was 36 years old when I got married and when I had my first child and all through my early 30s, I never worried about such things because I essentially liked my own company and it sounds like you do to. All the best :)

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  2. I love your view of aging. Your positive approach and full commitment to being content with where you are. You are right not to press or push it. God knows your season and hasn't forgotten you. And yes to those miracles of late life motherhood. They still happen. It happened to me. Blessing to you and thanks for linking up.

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  3. What you describe here is so true...My younger sister is 27 now and people are after her life for her wedding and what not...When we in the family are not even pushing her for anything..I wonder why people think like this and why being old suddenly becomes something that needs to be justified with specific posessions

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  4. Been there and had that said to me. I married at 41 and I have no regrets for having waited for Mr Right although there were Mr Wrongs along the way!

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  5. Love this post, Lux. Listen to your heart, and be yourself always. :)

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  6. Yes, Lux, keep your standards high, and never settle for less. You are still young. Middle age is for those over 50 and still not considered OLD so you are not old. My two daughters were over 30 when they married. They desired first a committed Christian man, and a man who had a job, and would love them. Their wait was worth it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us today at Tell me a Story.

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  7. Over 30 doesn't mean life is doomed because you are single. What's the point of being in a relation and feeling miserable? Whatever be the age, whatever be the relationship status we need to be happy. I think you are doing good. You will find the right person when you are ready. Why settle for the wrong one! Great post, Lux!

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