Love and Relationship

The 5 Love Languages

8:00 AM

Conflicts in relationships usually occur not because we lack love but because we don't know how to "speak" it in a way the other person understands.

Gary Chapman, a marriage and family life expert, is the author of The 5 Languages of Love. For more than three decades of marriage counseling, Gary Chapman discovered the 5 languages of love we often take for granted.

Life is about relationships. Relationship within family members, among friends and co-workers and with your significant other.

Our partners are not mind readers.

Sorry to say this but most people (especially men) can be totally callous---er, clueless about their partner's needs.

Hurt feelings follow rejection.

Pride comes in and well, you see how dirty the picture gets after that.

But what if you can stop that from happening?

Gary Chapman pointed out the 5 love languages that we commonly speak.

The 5 Love Languages

1. Word of affirmation   

"Good job."  
"You look great."  
"I'm proud of you."  
"You are important to me." 
"I love you."

Simple words that show appreciation can make another person's day.

Sometimes, even a trivial comment can impact the other person big time


2. Quality time

Undivided attention. Taking time out from your busy schedule, prioritizing and not just giving what extra time you can spare means the world to those with quality time as their language of love.

It's not like you'll make your world revolve around that person. It's all about sorting your priorities or what author Bo Sanchez refers to as knowing your "biggies".

Give your biggies the amount of time it deserves. The rest will follow.
the perks of being a wallflower gif

3. Gifts

It's not about materialism.

Some people get ecstatic when they receive gifts not because of the gift per se but because of what it represents.

It's not the material thing that you receive but the thought that you're special enough for the other person to spend time, effort and money in thinking about what gift to give you, and buying that gift for you.

It's affirming to know that you are valued enough to be showered with presents. And it's not just about luxurious gifts like a diamond ring or expensive perfumes.

It could be something as simple as a chocolate bar or a personalized gift like a greeting card you made yourself. It could be anything that exudes thoughtfulness. Doesn't matter how cheap the gift is, for the receiver, it's priceless.


4. Acts of service  

Parents smile from ear to ear when the house has been cleaned without them telling their kids to do their chores.

Being there for a friend, waking up in the wee hours of the morning to listen when someone calls up to rant or sob, accompanying someone who's going for a check up, driving for someone who needs a ride, helping in carrying heavy packages, doing a favor or running an errand for a busy friend.

These are just simple things you can do that express love. A helping hand is a simple gesture highly appreciated while laziness can be interpreted as rejection  by those who score high on acts of service as their language of love.


5. Physical Touch

A pat on the back, a hug, a kiss. Being physically present and touchy can fill up a love tank amazingly.

It is the most obvious and  the "loudest" among the 5 languages of love. 

A touch can communicate love effectively. It brings instant joy and gives the other person a sense of security.


Some people's language of love is a combination of two or more of the 5 languages.
Actually, we need all five. It's just that we have one primary language which really means more.

For relationships to last or be effective, each individual should first know their own language and discern the language of the other person.

It may not be easy at first but I think that's what love is. Sticking together when times are tough and working things out hand in hand.  

Learn it now and save yourself from a struggling relationship in the future. Better yet, save whatever you have left now before you start drifting apart.

Don't let it get worse.

So, what's your love language? You can take the quiz here to find out.

Wait! I've got more stories for you...


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  1. Marjorie Oakes11/2/16, 3:14 PM

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Love is a wonderful experience that fills happy feelings within you. With small efforts one can experience that wonderful feeling of making your date special, for unique romantic idea one can visit the website and create new memories.

  2. Indeed, "Learn it now and save yourself from a struggling relationship in the future..." The guidelines and suggestions you set out, Lux, shed light on communication through all stages of a loving relationship. I still rely on them after 47 years of marriage. There's nothing I can add; you've got it right.

  3. Beautiful! This book has an edition for singles. I'm not sure if that's the one you read. This is one of my favorite books.

    Words of affirmation is my dominant love language. It's amazing how we can put a little science into love to make it work more effectively. Love is really more than just an emotion.

  4. Hi, Luxie!

    This is a great article with wise tips about ways to communicate love to our partners.

    Words of affirmation cost nothing, yet some people are stingy about giving them. Some are quick to utter words of criticism when their partner does something wrong, something disappointing or upsetting. I believe one of the keys to a good relationship is to catch your partner doing something right and let him or her know about it. Sincere praise, given freely and enthusiastically, can indeed make the recipient's day, while a steady stream of nagging criticism can beat them down and cause them to stop trying and withdraw from the relationship.

    It costs noting to give your time to your partner, but again, some people are reluctant to share. If both are busy at home on a particular day doing their own separate projects, it can still make a difference if they share the same space. Close proximity is body language that says "I like being around you."

    I agree that gift giving can enhance a relationship, even if the gift is a sticky note with a love message written on it left in a strategic place for the other to find. It is a little surprise that can yield big results.

    Putting yourself out there for a friend or loved one and performing voluntary acts of service is huge. It is easy to be a fair weather friend, a friend in name only. When you roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty and sweat in service to another it means a lot.

    A gentle, loving touch speaks volumes and again, like most of these other tips, it doesn't cost a cent.

    Generally, the best relationships are the ones in which we identify or anticipate the needs of our partner and then do our best to meet those needs. We do this by learning his or her specific "love strategy," the precise formula - words, subliminal body language and deeds - that represent love to that person, that make them feel loved. You could shower your partner with gifts but leave him or her miserable and wanting if you failed to realize that the most important component of his or her specific love strategy is to hear the words "I love you" spoken in a gentle way. You could say "I love you" a hundred times a day but leave your partner feeling sad and neglected if you don't spend quality time with them. Find out what is most important to your partner and then give it freely, enthusiastically and abundantly. That's how you do it.

    Thanks, Lux!

  5. absolutely nice!


  6. So interesting post!
    Have a nice evening!
    Gil Zetbase

  7. Great post. I think words are very important. One simple positive word can make a big difference! And don't lie - because then the word would mean nothing.

  8. Some great tips here and a lovely post to read :)

    Love is so important and you make some great statements here. I cherish every loving moment with my husband, they mean the world to me.

    Laura xo

  9. Lovely post dear! Have a great weekend! xx

  10. This post is really interesting! Well done ;)
    Happy week-end
    Agnese & Elisa

  11. It's physical touch for me. Tough call for my wife: either quality time or acts of service.

  12. Quality time is so important!


  13. Lux, it is good to be back to blogging... I am finally getting back to myself after dealing with such awful pain... I missed everyone, thank you so much for dropping by my blog and commenting, I was really touched xox

    These are some great tips and idea for the languages of love, we all have the ways we are comfortable with and reading these you can figure out how the important people in your life express their language of love xox

  14. Lovely post! I think showing that you care is the best best way to show you love someone. Thank you for your feedback on my latest post!

  15. I know these love languages well! I went to a talk about them. I think my two are words of affirmation and physical touch. It's intriguing to notice and pick up on others.

  16. I LOVED this book and I have been talking about these love languages for years... it's incredible, isn't it? I was JUST telling some swim moms about this book and describing the five love languages. This is awesome, Lux!

  17. Hello, Lux you write a very beautiful article about Love Language we Know love no need to any language its only feel each other. and Life without love is incomplete Not only humans but God also needs love.