The 5 Love Languages: How To Save Your Relationship

8:00 AM

The 5 Love Languages How To Save Your Relationship

Relationship conflicts usually happen not because you lack love but because you don’t know how to show it in a way the other person understands. Sometimes your significant other doesn’t receive it as you intended because we speak different love languages. What are the five love languages, and how can they help nourish and save your relationships?


What is a love language?

Our love language is our way of expressing, receiving, and understanding love. 

Gary Chapman, a marriage and family life expert, is the author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He discovered the five primary languages of love.

Although we do relate to these love languages, there is at least one which we prefer the most or which speaks to us the loudest.

Learning which love language your partner, friend, or family speaks and letting them know which one is yours can help strengthen your relationship and save you from misunderstandings and issues in the long run.


The 5 Love Languages

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service
  5. Physical touch

1. Words of affirmation  

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, spoken words should be your main focus in expressing feelings. 

You enjoy verbal affection, encouragement, endearment, and frequent compliments

You can also write love notes and send sweet texts. 

Make it a point to compliment your partner with uplifting words and highlight their strengths every chance.

Simple words that show appreciation can make another person’s day.

Sometimes, even a trivial comment can impact the other person for ample time.

Examples of words of affirmation love language:

  • “You are important to me.”
  • “I love you.”
  • “You look great in that dress.”
  • “That hairstyle looks good on you.”
  • “I’m lucky to have you.”
  • “I love it when you ___.”
  • “I’m grateful for you.”
  • “You bring me joy by simply being in my life.”
  • “Thank you for___.”
  • “I appreciate your ___.”
  • “That is impressive!”
  • “You are inspiring.”
  • “I’m proud of you and to have you.”
  • “You are amazing!”
  • “Love your outfit.”

Words of affirmation should not be empty adulation but highlight the best in your partner. 

It can nourish your relationship by reminding them how able, loved, and admirable they are and encouraging them to always do better, positively affecting your connection.

You're beautiful gif

2. Quality time

Undivided attention. Taking time from your busy schedule, prioritizing, and not just giving what extra time you can spare means the world to those with quality time as their love language.

How to show your love through quality time?

  • Be focused and be present.
  • Listen actively.
  • Turn off any distractions.
  • Be a good conversationalist.
  • Try new activities together.
  • Share their hobbies or interests and vice versa.
  • Take them on a surprise date.
  • Create beautiful memories together.
  • Binge-watch your favorite shows or movies.
Spending quality time with your loved one can nourish your relationship. 

It helps you learn more about each other, understand them better, and share more moments.

the perks of being a wallflower gif

3. Receiving gifts

The love language of receiving gifts is not only about the item itself. It’s the thought of having someone put time and effort into giving you a present. 

It’s the gesture and what it represents that matters the most.

The gift could be as simple as a chocolate bar or a personalized gift like a greeting card you made yourself. It could be anything that exudes thoughtfulness.

Receiving gifts love language ideas:

  • Create a scrapbook of your memories or the things you love about them.
  • Order them lunch at work.
  • Send random gifts on random days.
  • Make a holiday for the person and throw them a celebration or send a special gift.
  • Leave them love notes around the house or at their desk.
  • Send an e-card on any day.
  • Surprise them with a bouquet of flowers one morning.
  • Send a special gift on big days, like during a presentation, end of a project, or when they close a deal.
  • Buy them their favorite book, shirt, perfume, or dessert for no apparent reason.
  • Create a playlist of their favorite songs or songs you dedicate to them.
  • Buy them a subscription for something they’ve always wanted.

You can give a diamond necklace or pick a flower from the garden. 

Either way, the person with gifts as a love language will surely treasure it and receive the love you’re giving.

Up your DIY craft game by making presents yourself. 

Here are a few examples from the 5-Minute Crafts FAMILY:

4. Acts of service  

Parents smile from ear to ear when the house has been cleaned without them telling their kids to do their chores.

People whose love language is acts of service feel special when you go out of your way to show support or take the initiative to help ease their burden.

How to fill up someone’s love tank through acts of service?

Acts of service love language ideas:

  • Make breakfast or their favorite cup of joe.
  • Listen when they want to rant.
  • Accompany them on a checkup.
  • Offer to drive them to work or pick them up after.
  • Help carry heavy bags.
  • Run an errand for them when they’re swamped.
  • Wash the dishes and take the trash out without being asked.

A helping hand is a simple gesture highly appreciated by those who score high on acts of service as their language of love. 

Remember to not keep count of the services you’ve done. If it’s inconvenient for you to do something for them at some point, communicate to let them know.

At your service gif from The Hobbit

5. Physical touch

Being physically present and touchy can fill up a love tank amazingly.

Physical touch is the most obvious among the 5 languages of love. 

Touch can nourish and save your relationship because it communicates love effectively. 

It brings instant joy and gives the other person a sense of security. And physical touch is more than just sex.

Ways to express your love through physical touch:

  • Hug
  • Kiss
  • Pat on the back
  • Caress
  • Hand on the shoulder
  • Giving a massage
  • Leaning your head on the shoulder
  • Stroking their hair
  • Holding hands

You want a hug gif

What is your love language?

Some people’s language of love combines two or more of the 5 languages.

Actually, we need all five to feel loved and show love. It’s just that we have one primary language which speaks more.

For relationships to last longer, each individual should first know their language and find out the other person’s love language.

It may not be easy at first, but love is sticking together when times are tough and working things out hand in hand. 

Learn it now and save yourself from conflicts in the future.

This post contains affiliate links, so we'd get a commission if you purchase through the links at no additional cost to you.

Take the 5 Love Language Quiz

So, what’s your love language? You can take the quiz here to find out. Then, let me know in the comments!

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  1. Marjorie Oakes11/2/16, 3:14 PM

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Love is a wonderful experience that fills happy feelings within you. With small efforts one can experience that wonderful feeling of making your date special, for unique romantic idea one can visit the website and create new memories.

  2. Indeed, "Learn it now and save yourself from a struggling relationship in the future..." The guidelines and suggestions you set out, Lux, shed light on communication through all stages of a loving relationship. I still rely on them after 47 years of marriage. There's nothing I can add; you've got it right.

  3. Beautiful! This book has an edition for singles. I'm not sure if that's the one you read. This is one of my favorite books.

    Words of affirmation is my dominant love language. It's amazing how we can put a little science into love to make it work more effectively. Love is really more than just an emotion.

  4. Hi, Luxie!

    This is a great article with wise tips about ways to communicate love to our partners.

    Words of affirmation cost nothing, yet some people are stingy about giving them. Some are quick to utter words of criticism when their partner does something wrong, something disappointing or upsetting. I believe one of the keys to a good relationship is to catch your partner doing something right and let him or her know about it. Sincere praise, given freely and enthusiastically, can indeed make the recipient's day, while a steady stream of nagging criticism can beat them down and cause them to stop trying and withdraw from the relationship.

    It costs noting to give your time to your partner, but again, some people are reluctant to share. If both are busy at home on a particular day doing their own separate projects, it can still make a difference if they share the same space. Close proximity is body language that says "I like being around you."

    I agree that gift giving can enhance a relationship, even if the gift is a sticky note with a love message written on it left in a strategic place for the other to find. It is a little surprise that can yield big results.

    Putting yourself out there for a friend or loved one and performing voluntary acts of service is huge. It is easy to be a fair weather friend, a friend in name only. When you roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty and sweat in service to another it means a lot.

    A gentle, loving touch speaks volumes and again, like most of these other tips, it doesn't cost a cent.

    Generally, the best relationships are the ones in which we identify or anticipate the needs of our partner and then do our best to meet those needs. We do this by learning his or her specific "love strategy," the precise formula - words, subliminal body language and deeds - that represent love to that person, that make them feel loved. You could shower your partner with gifts but leave him or her miserable and wanting if you failed to realize that the most important component of his or her specific love strategy is to hear the words "I love you" spoken in a gentle way. You could say "I love you" a hundred times a day but leave your partner feeling sad and neglected if you don't spend quality time with them. Find out what is most important to your partner and then give it freely, enthusiastically and abundantly. That's how you do it.

    Thanks, Lux!

  5. absolutely nice!


  6. So interesting post!
    Have a nice evening!
    Gil Zetbase

  7. Great post. I think words are very important. One simple positive word can make a big difference! And don't lie - because then the word would mean nothing.

  8. Some great tips here and a lovely post to read :)

    Love is so important and you make some great statements here. I cherish every loving moment with my husband, they mean the world to me.

    Laura xo

  9. Lovely post dear! Have a great weekend! xx

  10. This post is really interesting! Well done ;)
    Happy week-end
    Agnese & Elisa

  11. It's physical touch for me. Tough call for my wife: either quality time or acts of service.

  12. Quality time is so important!


  13. Lux, it is good to be back to blogging... I am finally getting back to myself after dealing with such awful pain... I missed everyone, thank you so much for dropping by my blog and commenting, I was really touched xox

    These are some great tips and idea for the languages of love, we all have the ways we are comfortable with and reading these you can figure out how the important people in your life express their language of love xox

  14. Lovely post! I think showing that you care is the best best way to show you love someone. Thank you for your feedback on my latest post!

  15. I know these love languages well! I went to a talk about them. I think my two are words of affirmation and physical touch. It's intriguing to notice and pick up on others.

  16. I LOVED this book and I have been talking about these love languages for years... it's incredible, isn't it? I was JUST telling some swim moms about this book and describing the five love languages. This is awesome, Lux!

  17. Hello, Lux you write a very beautiful article about Love Language we Know love no need to any language its only feel each other. and Life without love is incomplete Not only humans but God also needs love.

  18. Thank you for sharing your insights on the 5 love language and how to choose gifts that speak to your spouse's love language. I appreciate your perspective as a wife of 28 years, and I think your advice is spot-on.