Lux Thinking Aloud

To The Girl My Ex Will Love Next

2:23 AM

I was looking for some inspiration on what to write about when I saw a post titled "Letter To My Ex's Future Wife".

Since I know my exes are NOT the kind who will settle down soon, (translation: SCARED OF COMMITMENT), I'm far from writing a letter to their future spouses. Not that I intend to.

But, I know one of them can't live without a woman to fixate on (translation: dependent, user, womanizer, flirt).

I'm not bitter anymore but I gotta be honest here. That's my commitment to my readers.

I know he'll find someone to replace one girl after another as quickly as you can say "quickie".

So here's my version of that letter:

To The Girl My Ex Will Love Use Fixate On Date Next

You're gonna need all the hug and comfort in the world, girl.
Here, let me give you some.

I can't congratulate you. Sorry not sorry. 

I can't congratulate you because it's pointless. I'll be sarcastic then.

You're dating an eternally broke, selfish, careless, arrogant, gossiping, scared, (oh boy I can go on and on), self-centered, masochistic, directionless guy. There's nothing to celebrate.
Woman to woman, please heed my advice:

Don't flatter yourself.

It's not about you, it's about him. It's about his ego. It's his desire to gather as many experiences as he can. It's his loneliness. It's his emptiness.

It's for his entertainment. He needs someone to fixate on like a drug. That's how empty he must be.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're always available, aren't you? You're within his reach? He always gets to see you and talk to you without effort or difficulty from his end?

I repeat, it's not about you. It's about his convenience.

Follow your intuition. Do not, in any way, believe his stories without probing. He's a good plotter. He will take advantage of your trust. I've always doubted his stories, always been curious of how his versions change from time to time, always have had a nagging feeling that something is not right, but I chose to keep my mouth shut. I chose not to ask. I chose to blindly trust. I chose to shut off my intuition. I chose to ignore that little voice screaming: "He's lying!!!". 

Follow your gut feeling. When something's amiss, it's because he's leaving out the truth. Do not make the same mistake that I did---do not choose to be silent to avoid argument. Do not turn a blind eye because you don't want things to get awkward. Your silence will not change anything. Do not consider his feelings, because he never and will never consider yours.

Give him a hard time. Don't be always available when he needs you. Don't always answer his texts (he seldom calls because, you bet...he's always out of cash). Be busy with other things so you will see if he's determined enough to keep up with you. Challenge him. Make him chase you. Don't stroke his ego by making him your priority. You've got better things to do with your time, believe you me.

Don't lend him money. Not because you want to be ruthless, but because that's the right thing to do. Teach him to be responsible with his finances. Make him desperate to get out of the rat race that he's in. (If you've lent him, list it down. He's got selective amnesia).

While we're on the subject of money, don't let him know that you have money. Consider this as a word of caution from a concerned citizen. This time, it is not about him, it's about you. It's about us women putting an end to all scumbags.

He will overwhelm you with praises and compliments. Know that you are already beautiful and you don't need his sweet nothings to make you feel better. He needs it to make himself feel better.

He will tell you you've changed him. You made him better. Remember this: he will not change unless he wants to. You've got nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

Don't be impressed with the trivia he will throw at you. There's Google if you want to know facts. Ask him about practical things instead. "How much money have you saved up so far?" and wait to be impressed...or not by the answer. You will not live nor survive with the knowledge he's got from books. But, your life will be saved by practicality and wisdom. Those are what you should be seeking.

He will promise you the sun, the moon, the stars and what-have-yous. He will try to sweep you off your feet. He will make up stories to capture your heart (how miserable his life is, how much he's sacrificed for his loved ones, how different he is from your exes, and all those bullshit. by the way, the last one is true. he'll be different from your ex. he'll be worse, that i know for sure). I'll leave it to you to choose your own entertainment. Just don't believe his story of heroism and valor. Most of them are made up or exaggerated. 

Ask him to define big words he often use, e.g. lifetime, forever, promise, other half. He's got his own definition. He doesn't understand the weight of the words he's using.

If for some mind boggling reason due to unforeseen circumstances maybe, hes' finally made you fall for him (this letter is way too late, I know) don't you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER leave his sight or go somewhere far for quite a long time. He will need you to guide him (he's got no backbone, honey). Plus, he's quick to forget and the promises he's told you included.

To avoid disappointment, do not expect him to be there when you need him the most.

He'll be busy flirting and fixating on someone else. Thus, he'll have no time to the less important things---your emotional turmoil, your tribulations, your "inner struggle".

He will just tell you, "That's your own personal battle. I've got nothing to do with it. I can't help you there anymore."

If he's too careless again and forget to log out and you happen to see his message exchange with his ex, ask him to open his messages in front of you. Or ask him about his ex.

Don't be surprised if he tells you his mail notification has gone haywire or that he is not communicating with his ex anymore. I'll leave it to you how you will respond or react to this outright denial.

If you catch him reading your messages, don't expect him to apologize. He will justify it.
If you're confused, angry at me (perhaps because I didn't warn you earlier), or you just want to rub it on my face that he chose you (oh, please. don't make me laugh), feel free to drop me an email. I'd love to help you out.

If one day you will find yourself left in the cold, fixing your broken heart and desperately trying to regain your self-worth, don't say I didn't warn you.

I maybe too late (the inspiration just struck today), but I did warn you. And don't expect him to apologize. He did it for the greater good. You owe him one.

Please---and I say this with all sincerity, be smarter than I was then.

The Girl Who's Been There Done That

P. S.
He will try to act tough or valiant. He will make a speech.  When he does, tell him to go see me in person. That's when you'll see how tough he really is.

If you're in it because you also need him for your own convenience (i.e. you're using him as he's using you), please disregard this letter.

See also:

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  1. Hiya mami.... I have read this post twice in the last 20mins..... I am not sure if I should be honest bout this.... So I'm just gonna say nice post...

  2. You're very good writer,
    God works in many wonderful ways
    and you should be thankful as he always have lots of surprises waiting.

  3. This has to be sung by Alanis Morisette as a follow up to "Oughta Know". Sounds like a lousy man to be in a relationship to begin with.

    1. Lousy is an understatement late have I realized. But better late than never. 😀
      Hey, having Alanis sing this is a brilliant idea. Maybe I'll send this over to her. 😜

  4. love this post

  5. I wish someone had gotten this knowledge through to my sister... sigh. Our entire family would be better off. But, I am glad you can now be free and comfortable enough to be straightforward with it all.

  6. I love this! I can't tell you how many times I wished I could have gone back and told myself, "Walk away NOW." I stayed in bad relationships way too long out of personal insecurity. Someone once had a fortune cookie that I found WAY profound: "Don't let go too soon. Don't hang on too long." The tricky part is you don't know the difference when you're in it. Hindsight is 20/20!

  7. Ahh love is so complicated... can't live with it, can't live without it.

    xx Hélène

  8. Hope you meet someone nice very soon

  9. Boy, I wish I would have read this when I was younger. It would have saved me a lot of heartache!!
    Good for you to help others learn from your mistake!

  10. That was really a great post...
    You will surely find the right one at right time..♥

  11. Sounds like you have gained a lot of wisdom in the pain. So true about the compulsion to collect women to fill the void. I have a girlfriend that is empty and shops. So that really caught my attention!

  12. Oh myyyy....ha!! Raw! The agony and pain of love. -but thank God, He gives us the strength to overcome and come out as winners.