Things I Never Learned From My Mother8:00 AM
Some come in your life as lessons.
This is going to be a very personal post. I'm going to share the things I never learned from my mother.
My mother is, uhm...different.
It wasn't a normal childhood. It's rather difficult to explain why, but you might understand if I'll share the things I never learned from my mother.
What I know, I learned from her. Indirectly that is.
Things I Never Learned From My Mother
KindnessTry as I may, I can never remember a time or conversation I have with my mother when she was kind to me. Or to other people for that matter.
Which made me realize that kindness is innate in every human. Because though I never experienced nor witnessed kindness in the early years of my life, I knew I wanted to be kind. I knew I can choose how to treat others.
To be kind or to be hostile is a choice. Of course, I can be belligerent because that's what I'm more familiar with. But my system rejects it. Maybe because I know how it feels to be at the receiving end of hostility? So I choose kindness.
My worthI've never learned my real worth from my mother, but it is through her that I learned how valuable I am.
I never knew how important I am for a long time. I didn't know I matter. I always thought I'm "good for nothing" and that I am a waste of space.
My mother never taught me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am enough. That I deserve to be loved. That I deserve respect, and that I am special.
But, now I know. Thanks to self-help books, spiritual community, loving friends, and God's relentless and unconditional love; I am now fully aware of how precious I am.
Financial managementI used to have money problems. I could never save money. I witnessed my mother spend all the family's fund on the most frivolous things.
I never saw her plan our budget, or spend wisely. She is the total opposite of frugal.
My desperation to get out of the rat race---that is living from paycheck to paycheck---made me seek help with my finances. I gobbled all financial management and investment knowledge I could get; I read books about finances, I attended seminars on stock market and mutual funds. I disciplined myself and applied the knowledge I've gained.
No more excuses.
Jim Rohn said, "Everyone has to get good at one of two things: planting in the spring or begging in the fall." I may not be a millionaire yet but at least I'm sure that I won't be begging in the fall. I never learned that from my mother.
GenerosityDespite my mother's spending habits, she is stingy when it comes to others. She detests charity works, and she's never generous even to her own family and children. I remember she provides us our needs (with my father's money), but she never gives us a little extra to enjoy life.
I had really lame projects in school and I never get to go out with my friends as often because she doesn't want to give me money. Sometimes she does begrudgingly.
I learned to be generous to those who don't have enough because I know how it feels to not have what you need, or to enjoy the little things in life. All thanks to my mother.
Quality timeI've realized that it's important to make time for your kids and get to really know them. No matter how busy you claim you are, your first priority and most important ministry is your kids. Spending time with your children will spare them (and you) the many struggles in life like feeling inadequate, getting lost, and getting into trouble along the way. And you don't get swayed when you hear rumors about them.
Life is what you make itUndoubtedly, I have learned a lot in life, because my mother never taught me a lot of things. At least not directly. So I realized as I grow older that I can either suffer the consequences of other people's actions and be miserable, or learn from it and be better.
I see how my mother lives her life, and I tell myself that's not the kind of life that I want for myself. Or that I don't want my future kids to experience what I went through.
So I made a decision. Life is what I make it. I can live my life being condescending and unkind and inconsiderate of others, be carelessly lavish and selfish, or be...different. In a good way.
Our mothers may have the strongest influence on us, but we get to choose how to use that influence. That choice will determine who we become and what kind of life we will live.
As for me, I chose to turn her influence around and opt for what's best for me.
I chose to learn and discover the things which I never learned from my mother.
What are the lessons you learned from your mother?
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