Faith

7 Stages of Moving On: A Dreamer’s Triumphant Journey Back to Wholeness

7:00 AM

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. 
-Louise Erdrich


I know heartbreak all too well. I know how it is losing your drive, crying yourself to sleep each night, waking up to a big gaping whole in your heart, helpless. Gutted. The struggle is real.

Needless to say, I know about moving on as well.

Here's another wounded healer who's been through that same dream-shattering, life-changing, colorful road to share his own journey. 

Reading his story proved to me that we are never alone. At one point, we've all been in that same place...together.

May this give you hope and courage too:


7 Stages of Moving On:
A Dreamer’s Triumphant Journey Back to Wholeness

I’ve spent years chasing my dreams, turning my ambitious thoughts into beautiful things. I donned medals of academic rewards, earned certificates that attest to my competencies, obtained the trust of key people in their respective domains of expertise, and conquered worlds that gave me a rightful place.

I’ve surpassed seemingly insurmountable challenges and with these, I have learned so much. I resolved that as a dreamer, I would never fall in love. I spent a great deal of conscious effort to guard my feelings because I know it is my greatest weakness. Then it came. Nothing has ever prepared me for this. I fell in love deeply. I’ve been hurt badly.

Pain and Denial

My heartbreak was like a giant tidal wave that came crushing over me. The whole world collapsed before my eyes. I felt defeated and helpless. Until now, I couldn’t find the exact words to explain the gravity of my pain. All I ever wanted was to make the pain go away...faster! It was very hard for me to see things beyond my pain. There were many questions that I begged answers for and the worst part of it all was that I denied myself of the reality. I convinced myself that my love just needed time and space to think things over and we would be together again.

Lost and Shattered

As the reality of my broken heart sank in my stricken mind, I found myself in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know how to proceed with my life. I lost my direction. I suddenly stopped doing my routine. I lost interest in the things that I used to find pleasure in. To top it all, I gave up my recent career promotion which resulted to financial difficulties. I wanted to protect myself from further pain so I shut my world, disconnected from life, and lived in darkness.

Emotional Paralysis

It was the stage when my heart became cold and hard. I was so focused on my pain that I became very insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. I felt lonely. I trusted nobody. I did not allow anyone to comfort me. It was as if the colors of life have faded away. Every comforting word fell on my deaf ears. Bitterness was everything I could taste.

Prisoner of the Past

I couldn't remember how long have I been a prisoner of the memories that I couldn't let go. I always saw my object of affection in everything I set my eyes on. Even when I closed my eyes, a vision of my beloved haunted me in my dreams. I kept loving this person so much; yet, I wasn’t receiving the treatment that I deserve. I was out of my mind!

The Awakening

I could still recall those lonely mornings when I wondered what I was waking up to. I dreaded the time between sunrise and sunset because I knew I was going to put up another exhausting battle with my emotions. One time, I happened to see my naked self on the full length mirror. I shuddered at seeing my appearance. This is no longer me! I realized that my life was going nowhere; that I was wasting so much time wallowing with my pain; that I've allowed myself to suffer terribly; that I needed to be kind to myself; that I needed to give myself a chance to be happy!

Discernment and Acceptance

It’s important to reflect on the desires of our heart before we engage in any relationship. If you're intention is to find someone to “complete” you, then you're setting yourself up to failure. The one you'll find might just be as broken as you are.

Two hurt people coming together to find happiness isn’t a good start of a romantic relationship. In my case, at least, this is true. I didn't realize that I was already broken before I even entered the relationship. This is where I’ve gone wrong. It only made sense to me now after I've graciously accepted my pain.

It put me to the right perspective that my struggle had a meaning. God allowed things to fall apart so certain family relationships would be restored. My heartbreak led me to rediscover a lot of things about myself, including my faith. I realized that fixing my broken relationship with God is the key to having a happy relationship with people.

Relaunching My Spiritual Life

When I surrendered my brokenness to God, my path to healing has started. More blessings initially disguised by pain have been unleashed. I'm closer now with my family. I’ve also found a new rewarding career that meets my learning and financial expectations. Sometimes, I think that I'm better off to be just on my own, with my God who truly completes me.



About the author:
Jayson Santos is a spiritual seeker, a dreamer, and a runner. On his blog, The Dreamer Writes, he devotes a special section called Dear Love, where he writes and collects stories, poems, unsent letters, love notes, and all other messages of joy and sorrow from a heart that faithfully loves. Read more of his writings by visiting his blog or following his Google+ page. You can also follow him on Twitter at @jaysonsnts.



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57 comments

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  1. Sometimes breaking up is very hard to do and sometimes it's wonderful. I don't care for the gut wrenching breakups. Good to have a guide to help.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  2. This is such an in depth and really helping blog post. I know so many people that are stuck and don't know how to move forward to the life that's waiting for them. I really loved reading this.

    Kia / KTS
    www.houseofkts.com

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  3. This is such a powerful post, Lux. Thank you ever so much for sharing...both your heart at the beginning and the heart of Jason through this article. My heart goes out to you both. Human suffering is so difficult, but it absolutely does draw us closer to God, and He has a Divine purpose for everything He allows in our lives. May He bless you, and Jason, too!

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  4. These words totally captured the essence of when a break up happens that completely breaks your heart... that tidal wave feeling... that lost and lonely feeling... unfortunately we have to feel it to get through to the other side... it isn't easy though and it takes time xox

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  5. Going through life there is a lot of emotions we need to deal with. There are good and bad ones, both types makes us better and helps us to improve and reach whichever goals we have set up for ourselves.

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  6. A very interesting story dear.
    Happy week end.

    La Flò ♡ blog

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  7. Touching and inspiration. I know what failure is because I have failed many a times. This sharing is a reminder of how to move on. Thank you so much to the writer. I feel each word beautifully said.

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  8. I enjoyed Jayson's piece, dear Lux. I agree that we are here to risk our hearts. Life is about risk taking. Spinning the wheel of fortune and taking a chance at love is a prime example. I have been deeply hurt a couple of times in my life. I fell into deep despair and struggled for many months to regain my footing. I can't remember the moment or the exact catalyst, but one day I was inspired to get back on my feet, dust myself off and get back in the game. You can't sit on the sidelines of life. You need to play the game and, if you lose a few rounds along the way, you can always bounce back and win in the long run.

    Thanks, Lux!

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  9. Beautifully written from the heart!

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  10. Love this story. Amazing ending!

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  11. Nice!

    Xx,

    || FLOORTJELOVES ||

    www.floortjeloves.com
    www.facebook.com/floortjeloves

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  12. IMO, acceptance is the toughest part.. :D thanks for this great post. such an enlightenment.

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  13. I resonated with your words, having gone through those heart break moments you describe. To know that we are not alone in feeling deeply in a heartbreak is encouraging. And, yes, our identity in God is what completes us!

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  14. Such a great read. I am one of the few lucky ones who haven't really experienced a crippling, depression-causing heartbreak. I've gotten my heart broken but it was nothing a few bottles of tequila couldn't fix and then I met my husband and thankfully have never really known what real heartbreak is, but I emphatize with people who have experienced it and I know how difficult it can be. I'll definitely refer to your post in the future when I see someone in my life who is dealing with a really bad heartbreak cause I know it'll help them. :)

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  15. Very interesting article here. Such a great read.

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  16. What a heartwrenching post! But in a good way! Thanks for sharing your journey.

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  17. Loss is brutal but it also helps us learn to love better.

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  18. Thanks for sharing this story, Lux. I think it is so important to remember that God is the only who does complete us! We can't look to people or things in this world to do that!

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  19. Heartbreak or what,we have to keep moving forward even slowly.

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  20. Interesting post!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase
    http://gilzetbase.com/

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  21. "If your intention is to find someone to “complete” you, then you're setting yourself up to failure... As the one you'll find might just be as broken as you are"

    Duru: Preach Sir.. preach :)

    Awwgghh This was a beautiful piece.. I mean You know yeah.. issues of the heart are things to not be taken for granted sam sam.. and to this young and confused 24 year old ba; life is about consistently taking leaps of faith. I for one believe that; if we dont let go of our fears and agree to fall in love (no matter how many times we have been hurt).. then our Prince Charming or Agbani Darego will never get to catch us :)

    Thank you for sharing Nne... and i duff my hat in respect of the Writer! this was a beautiful piece i say once again.

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  22. A very powerful post. My daughter is experiencing her first pet loss and her heart is broken right now, like you say life is so involved we will feel and experience so much. I wish I could protect my daughter from pain in her life, but I know it is the experience. Thank you for sharing with #candidcuddles

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  23. There is nothing more important that the inner feelings ... nice article

    Melange-Boutique Blog || Instgram

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  24. Dear Lux, thanks for sharing Jayson's voice today!

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  25. I love seeing how God works in others. I love hearing testimony of how He heals brokenness. I know He has done it for me, and I'm so grateful for it! This is a lovely post. Thank you :) #sharethejoylinky

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  26. So glad the author found beauty in the broken... amazing how God works! Thanks for sharing... stopping by from Weekend Whispers :)

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  27. I can absolutely relate to his story because I have been fighting for my dreams for a few years now. Sometimes, I get lost on the way, or even obstructions that make me feel down. However, I am a fighter, and I will never let my guard down

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  28. This post could teach so many people. Very enlightening.

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  29. Such a wonderful quote ... and a testimony of God's renewal - how He makes all thing new!

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  30. I relate with this writer in every way. I am actually at a place where I think being alone with God is the best thing. Thanks for posting this.

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  31. So good to read. Sometimes it's hard to move on, but God gives us (me) grace in the process. He is so good that way to walk with us in valley and shadow.

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  32. very interesting post
    I'd love to know your opinion on my new review
    ----> fashion blogger italia
    have an happy day
    kiss

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  33. This story brought tears to my eyes...

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  34. Dear Lux,

    Thanks for letting me share my story here! Revealing our inner thoughts and feelings will surely make us vulnerable, but this process is a great starting point for our own healing. By genuinely sharing our stories, we also free others to share theirs.

    I'm immensely moved by the comments here. The insights add to the lessons I learned from my personal experience. I appreciate the community of caring readers here and I'm making an effort to visit their own sites where applicable.

    Till our next blog exchange!

    Blessings and love to all of us,
    J.

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  35. A heartbreak is horrible but it's absolutely true that there's a journey back to wholeness!

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  36. Often after an experience (not one so good) it causes us to understand the pain of others. The story you shared can relate to those who have lost a love or relationship through breaking up, death, or moving away to another city or State. Know that through it all, God understands for he has experienced people turning their backs on Him, and failing to follow as he would lead. May we realize Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother - or lover, and He is always with you. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.

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  37. What is life? A frenzy.
    What is life? An illusion,
    a shadow, a fiction,
    and the greatest good is small;
    that all life is a dream,
    and dreams, dreams are.

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  38. There's such power in surrendering to God. Healing is like new life swooping through our veins. Indeed, when we're whole in Him, then we can freely offer ourselves to another person. You're brave, Jayson, keep seeking and finding all the Lord has for you.

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  39. Great post!
    kisses

    http://lestyledelapetiteblonde.blogspot.co.ke

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  40. Very well-written. I totally understand the feelings..but after some time..may be after a long time you will realize that whatever happened had a reason for you- that may be was good in a way. Do not lose yourself when a heart break happens. Hold yourself all together and be strong enough to chose your path.

    xo
    Epsita

    New Post: http://www.thepositivewindow.com/2016/04/whats-in-spring.html

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  41. so true that heartbreak hits all of us. Great post Lux...as always.

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  42. What an inspiring story! It's so true that two broken people never make a good relationship

    Rachel xx
    http://www.thedailyluxe.net

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  43. An emotional piece. I shared many of these emotions on my journey through depression. Moving on from that has been hard but leaving the memories behind has been cathartic. Glad to hear another's positive progress. #Sharethejoy

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  44. I was moved by his words. He learned a lot from this heartbreak and I can see that he has become a better person after that. I visited his blog too and I loved it. <3

    xoxo,
    SHAIRA
    www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com

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  45. Touching and great post, inspiring!:)

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  46. Beautiful quote & touching words! The author has obviously learned a lot of his heart break. It's lovely to have you take part in candid cuddles, please add my badge or back link if you join in again. Thank you!
    http://www.cuddlefairy.com/

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  47. What a lovely story! Very inspiring as always. Wishing you a lovely Thursday! Liuba x

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  48. Jayson, thank you for sharing your heart and brokenness so vulnerably. I appreciate it. We need more stories like yours.
    Lux, thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth.

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  49. I'm glad you found a way through and got your strength back. #CandidCuddles

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  50. Jayson's words are son powerful and heartfelt it's impossible not to be moved by them. Heartbreak can be so paralysing but I love that through the pain he has found a new sense of purpose and perhaps a road back to happiness. Thank you so much for sharing this with us Lux at #sharethejoy (Michelle Reeves at The Joy Chaser and The Essex Barn )

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  51. Lovely post. You're right, heartbreak is a journey that we all go though with various stages ... Until you find your way back to happiness again, bruised but stronger

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  52. Wonderful... The mantra for life... Nothing to stop us...
    Thanks for sharing!

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  53. Only when we realize how much we are loved by God can we freely love those around us. So glad you realized this for yourself. Thanks for sharing your story!

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  54. It can't ever be easy to go through pain and the hurt that heartbreak or something else like loss or depression can bring. I can recognise some of these from when I lost my two grandfathers myself. And yes, these are the stages that will, in the end, pull you through.

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  55. Thanks for this wonderful post. Life is full of ups and downs and break ups is just a part of life. Love that you have found a new sense of purpose. Great read.
    www.effortlesslady.co

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