Life Lessons

Lessons Learned From My Most Difficult Break Up

1:17 AM


Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them. 
-Fulton Sheen 


The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge
Day 20: Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it



Shared on The Praying Woman


Have you had your heart broken? Show me a woman who has never had her heart broken, and I'll show you a woman who has never really lived. I read that somewhere. And when I did, I thought, no, that can't be true. So it means I'm a zombie?

I never wanted a broken heart. No one in their right mind ever did. But it's inevitable. It's part of the life package. We didn't sign up for it, but we'll get it anyway, one way or another.


The breakup

The hands down most difficult break up I've had was with my almost 5 years relationship. Imagine talking, eating, practically breathing and coexisting with another person 24/7 for 5 years then suddenly putting an end to it. It's like those 5 years of your life became meaningless or non-existent. Imagine someone punching a huge hole in your heart. I've never felt so empty and so lost after that. I questioned everything. I never looked at the world the same way again.

What happened after that was kind of a blur I could barely remember details. All I remember now was that I was so full of hate at first. I lashed out at this person and hurl every expletive and insult I could think of for as long as I could. It was a dark dark time. I was at my worst monstrous state. Until I grew tired of it.

The lessons

Then I remember praying  desperately trying to be in God's presence. I couldn't pray. I didn't know what to say. I just asked God to let me be in His presence, allow me to be with Him though I couldn't feel Him. Let Him embrace me in  my numbness. I held my rosary beads every night without saying a word. That's when I understood the true meaning of prayer. It's not the words we say, the prayers we memorized or repeatedly utter, it's communing with God even in silence. It's knowing that He's there, when you need Him, even when you don't want Him. It's simply being in His presence.

I wrote down how I felt. I talked about it with people who I know will not judge me despite my wrong decisions. I kept attending prayer meetings even when I was at my numbest that I couldn't make sense of what I was hearing.

I tried to avoid familiar places although that's quite impossible because 5 years of togetherness means walking almost every street you know together. So I just let things be. I focused on work, juggled 3 jobs (I was Superwoman), tried to enjoy being with friends. I tried living without this other part of me. And I live.

It was an excruciating experience, probably the worst because I was at my lowest. It taught me a lot though. It made me independent. It made me more cautious, more sensitive towards others, more empathetic, more charitable to those who are suffering, wiser, stronger, more appreciative and more desperate for God.

I climbed the mountain that I thought was blocking me from the life I used to know. And it gave me the most beautiful view I could ever ask for. I never saw the world the same way again.



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4 comments

  1. It's always nice to read someone has gone through what you have gone through. It makes me feel less alone. I was with my fiancé for four years, I had all the same feelings you did and truly God is the only reason I came out strong.

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    Replies
    1. I am going thru that now..it is really difficult

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    2. I am going thru that now..it is really difficult

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  2. Letting go of such an important relationship is just like going through divorce. Just maybe a little less paper work.

    Kudos to you for finding a way to cope. Finding a relationship with God happened for me later (after another breakup).

    ReplyDelete

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