Psychology And Me12:55 AM
Allow me to share some amateur psychological analysis I've learned through years of experience.
1. Know the story behind the story. This line I've got from my favorite motivational speaker Bo Sanchez. I live by it, or at least try to. I still get a little judgmental sometimes. I'm subjective. But whenever I find myself judging a person and a situation by what I see and know, I pause and reflect. I try to remember that there could be a valid reason for something done or said no matter what it is.
Before I conclude anything about a person, I try to picture that person out as a child. Imagining that rude colleague as a 3 year old boy rejected and manipulated by his father makes me empathize, understand and even pity him. A boisterous person might have been ignored at home so he seeks attention from others so desperately, to the point of being annoying. Then, he's not that annoying to me anymore.
Know the reason behind every mean word spoken, hear the desperate cry for help in every cold stare and bitter reactions, listen to what the other person is NOT saying. Feel the fear coming from the man who tries to look tough with his tattered jeans, leather jacket and messy hair. The clumsy waiter who just spilled water on your lap may have come from a graveyard shift from his other job and haven't slept yet (true story). Know the story behind the story.
2. When a person is feeling low, the last thing he wants to hear from you is criticism---constructive or not, the phrase 'i told you so' or 'you just got what you've always wanted' and you telling him his wrong. Even if he is, try to listen first. A depressed person oftentimes does not make sense at all. He's at his most vulnerable state. He's wobbly and a small push can crumble him down. Even if you're tired, pretend you're interested or you understand completely. Most of the time, depressed persons don't want to be told what to or not to do. They just need to know there's someone out there willing to listen.
Comforting and encouraging words---not harsh judgmental comments, are what someone going through depression needs.
Depression is a state. Depends on the person's perception and faith, the duration or period of depression varies. But if he is perfectly normal, depression is just a short phase. He will soon come out of it. He will learn to get up and move on. And it is a fulfillment to know that you are one of those who gave him the shove or push he needs. It is fulfilling to know that the person who felt so low and hopeless did not end his life or made further mistake because you were there.
Hold his hand, words may not be necessary but let your love and concern envelope him. Sometimes he needs silence, sometimes he needs you to talk him into doing something. Just be there.
In the midst of chaos, confusion and adversity, just the thought of someone always there means everything. It's reason enough to get up every morning and carry on.
3. I have one funny observation with people and money. Most people who are running out of their resources or are currently broke get sick. I know some people that gets ill when their wallets are depleting. Seriously. I used to help someone who needs to get a 'regular check up' because of her blood pressure and other health issues. I realized though that this often happens a week or two before pay day. During pay day, she is perfectly healthy. Come critical period money-wise, she gets really really sick she'd borrow money from me for a check up. Weird but this keeps on happening. I don't want to be judgmental but one friend told me before that she too gets psychologically sick whenever her budget hits the low point. I've tried observing and it's true. Most people get sick a few weeks after they received their salary. Right after they receive their pay check though, they're as normal and as healthy as they can be.
4. Here's a bitter pill I myself finds it hard to swallow; you hate a person because he is a reflection, a projection of yourself which you hate the most. He may be irresponsible and it pisses you off that he is. Then you realize, you are just as lazy as this person is and you wanted to change that in you but you cant. So you try to change this person. Subconsciously trying to change yourself.
5. You may have heard this a thousand times before because this is not my original. "You will regret things you didn't do more than the things you did do". So follow your heart all the time. Take time to think about it and analyze. But following your gut instinct often leads you to the right path. As long as you can, go out there and experience life at it's rawness. Explore, learn from your mistakes and dream big.
Don't listen to small minds trying to pull you down towards mediocrity. Be content with your blessings but aspire for more not just for yourself but for people who will benefit from your boldness. Most people are bitter about life because they are full of regrets in their hearts. Good things, opportunities and chances ignored and taken for granted. Words never spoken. Songs unwritten. Places not visited. People who settle with mediocrity and blames the economy, the government, their family, the weather and even the rats in their kitchen for the way they live their lives. Cowards who never dared to step out of their comfort zones. People who make their current state an excuse from not moving forward instead of using it to push themselves and strive for something better. Time will come that they will regret each minute they let passed without doing something worthwhile.
That job offer that could have provided the right opportunity for growth and development, the business that could have made a fortune, the perfect partner they allowed to slip away, hurtful words spoken. The list goes on and on.
Avoid crying over spilled milk. Seize the moment, but never forget to invest in the future. Update your bucket list. Write down your plans and ways to achieve them. Enjoy life, but be serious with how to make it happen.
I hope I make sense here. Again the disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. I did not take up Psychology. These are just mere observations and realizations brought by life and experience. I too am still learning. The more I understand human behavior, the more I embrace life and appreciate the differences of each person. It makes me more empathetic, understanding, patient and wiser.
Though I think I will still pursue my plan of taking up Psychology. I don't want to regret that in the end and be bitter because of it, you know?